A little about me....

It's not the first time I have been here.

Back after I emigrated from the UK to the US I was faced with the seemingly impossible task of finding work. The area I moved to was probably one of the first hit by the weakening economy and I spent several disheartening months filling out online profiles and sending off my resume over and over again, without the slightest response. Of course, I know now that I was going about things the wrong way, but it was my first foray into the job market on either side of the Atlantic.

Eventually, I gave up trying to achieve something I couldn't do and started focusing on something I could. I went back to school. One semester in, I got a co-op. Then an internship. I never made it back to my studies.

I guess I just had to get my foot in the door. Not just to prove to some hiring manager that I was capable, but also to prove that to myself. Several months is a long time to spend on the outside and it can knock the wind out of your confidence. Now I know that I can.

Two and a half years of blissful productivity. Co-workers asking me why I was so irritating cheerful for someone at work. The answer was always easy. "Because I have a job" I would smile and say. My enthusiasm for my job would show up in my work. I developed skills I wasn't sure I had the aptitude for, I learned how to drive the progress of my team and my project, managing up. I discovered that I was a natural leader, that I was process driven and I remembered that I was smart.

Then the pregnancy test came back positive. Not only did I have a fantastic job, but I was blessed with the prospect of starting a family. A few months later I came home to my husband, guiltily clasping his hand over the phone handset. 'The Other Women' as I came to address her, was a hiring manager from the other side of the country and she wanted to make us an offer we couldn't refuse.

And we couldn't.

After the baby was born I sat down with my boss and broke the news. I wasn't coming back to work.

I've had many blessings since then. I have a wonderful little boy, who brings me joy everyday. I live in a place where people vacation. I don't spend my nights awake worrying about money.

Life is almost perfect. Almost.

Soon we'll be celebrating the little guys third birthday. Its been a year since I was really serious about finding work. I had planned to return to work after his first birthday, but at first I only wanted to leave him for the perfect job. Then I was waiting until after the house hunting period was over and we were more settled. Now I am back to where I was after I moved to the US, my confidence is wavering and I can hear the tick-tock of my career clock counting down. Now it is not about the dream job, but about finding that feeling inside again. The feeling that I am contributing and using my talents. That I'm no longer on the outside.